The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
