she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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