Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My cat gives me a boner
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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