You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
