I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
