Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
