if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
