so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
