dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
