You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
