When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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