i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
