it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
