my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
