why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
