I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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