If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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