i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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