Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
