I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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