You just made me feel so damn special
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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