Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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