Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
