Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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