I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
