I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
