she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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