please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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