I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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