Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize