I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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