i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
