Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
