Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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