Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
