I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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