soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They took my balls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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