Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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