Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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