I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
