i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
