I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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