I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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