first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
