you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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