My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize