somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
