ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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