why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
