Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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