hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
