happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
