I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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