I wish I could punch you in the face.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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