Someone shit on the floor
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
