Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
