You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
