And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is it fun? or sober?
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