i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
