I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
