I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drake has all the answers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
