some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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