Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
