i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
