I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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